Well, it’s day seven. I started my journey a little heavier lol , if you want the honest truth. I feel a little bit unnerved today just because my wedding rings don’t fit me and I had to take them off, and I’m up a couple of kgs. Now I know this is normal and I’m bulking out to strip down to my muscle, but it’s just a very, very strange thing to do for my body to be able to eat as much as I am and see shape, but also have an unnerving feeling that, am I going to get too fat? And that’s the scary part about it. Am I going to get fat? Why do we think these things are we eat food? Every time I eat food, I think, oh God, should I be having this? Which is quite scary really. We’ve been all groomed, should I say, to not eat as much, so it’s a very alien place I’m in right now. And I feel quite nervous and hoping that I’m not going to get really big and bulky without stripping back.
So I’m speaking to my coach today and hopefully she’ll guide me and reassure me that I’m doing the right thing, because when you’re on your own during this, and even though she comes on and talks to you every week, you’re still on your own in the gym and you’re still on your own when you feed yourself. It’s very difficult to make sure that you’re doing it correctly when no one’s around you. I know my husband is doing it with me and he’s concerned a bit that I’m gaining weight, but he said, “If you’re training at the gym as hard as you’re eating, then you’ll be fine,” so I’m going to make sure that I do really well.
I pushed myself today in the gym. I made sure that I carried out every single exercise that she gave me. Last week was very flaky for me because I didn’t know what the apparatus to use and what way to do things, because I do my body pump every three days. I find it difficult to know if that’s cardio or is that weights. So it’d be something I’m talking to the coach about it today, and I’m really looking forward to getting a structure so I know that I’m not gaining weight and then ended up too bulky and big. I don’t want to look like a man. So I do want to have muscle, but definitely not be huge look. So I’m worried. Worried is the wrong word. I’m a little bit apprehensive, to say the least, because when I put my swimsuit on today, I saw the body and I was like, “Jeeze, you’re bigger lol.” But I think with the way it’s supposed to be happening, I’m literally just getting stronger.
So a bit of a minefield at the moment,but I’m going to keep going and I know this is the right thing to do. And also, with the business, I’ve been really focused on trying to bring my business together with a new concept of my imagination and my head is spinning with ideas. But with the climate that we’re in at the moment, Sometimes I wonder if it’s better to go back to a nine to five job and do your weights and have a very easy life, but I’m not challenged that way so it probably never will happen, ha ha . But there is days that I envy people that just get up, go to work, come home, do the gym, go to sleep or get up, go to work, don’t do the gym and go to sleep.
So hopefully my challenges in my mind today will disappear and I will lose that feeling of uncertainty, which we all don’t like as humans. So I want to be certain that I’m going to get to my goal, so I’m going to make changes today in the diet to make sure that I’m not overdoing it with my fats. So have a lovely day, everybody, and I’ll speak to you later.
Added: Gym successfully pushed my boundaries – had a sauna and steam and jacuzzi.
Feel human again